Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Good one! You almost had me there.
Oh, you’re serious?
Do you hate yourself? Are you off your meds? Is your family so intolerable you’d rather suck blue light into your eyes like mother’s milk for nearly seventeen-hundred words a day, every day through November? It can’t be because you actually want to write fifty-thousand words in a month. That’s frikkin’ batty! And by batty, I mean torture. All of it. It’s the worst, for realsies.
No? You’re not looking to waste dedicate hours of you day, every-damn-day, or lose days off the end of your life from the stress, doubt, and self-loathing that comes with legitimately participating in National Novel Writing Month, but still want the blog badge and Twitter header image?
So the silly season is once again upon us, that time of year where all sanity and reason abandon those writers possessed of the notion that committing fifty-thousand words in a single month is a good idea. What folly, to bleed upon their keyboards through November, as if their souls ache for torture like that willfully sought by those sinners hurling themselves into Dante’s sixth circle of Hell, intent on the corruption of that sacred process of creation known as writing.
But if ya gotta, ya gotta, I guess.
Last year, I wrote a piece offering suggestions on how one might make novelist torture porn National Novel Writing Month easier on themselves. If you didn’t read that post, the villainous premise is simple enough:
#NaNoWriMo is not about writing a good book, it’s about getting 50K words into your document. Winning is all that matters, and you do that not by being a good, honest writer, but by hitting your daily word count, plain and simple.
I shared some villainous tips (as in things other suckers writers won’t think “honest” or “scrupulous” or “fair”) on how to get your daily word count swole, but surely you didn’t think I gave away all the dark secrets in that single post, did you? If so, surprise, fools! Here are some additional rules for cheating winning NaNoWriMo.
If you’re not familiar, NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) takes place in November (because screw turkey and family arguments), and is an occasion for you to do your darn’dest to crank out a 50,000 word novel between Halloween and December 1. I completed my first attempt in 2014, motivated by insanity and a desire to have the stupid badge on my blog. Thinking back on it, I get the shakes. It was awful. Torturous. Physical and mental anguish.
I wasn’t planning on doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). Not because I thought I couldn’t win it, but because I was so deep in the editing of my manuscript I forgot it was coming up. Thankfully (I think), a coworker mentioned it on November third (yes, late), and thankfully I’d already thoroughly outlined my second book. So, a little consideration and a ‘What the heck?’ later, I put editing on hold and accepted the challenge.